


You Never Walk Alone

by symbioticSimplicity



Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort Food, I hope everyone is doing okay even though I know they're definitely not, I know this story is about Taemin but I want all of them to get this message okay, I promise the next time I write Jimin/Taemin it'll actually be sexy, I wish I could help them seriously, I'm crying in the club, I'm still not okay either, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jungkook is just along for the ride since I can't seem to write Jimin without him popping up, Late Night Conversations, Park Jimin Is a Good Friend, RIP Kim Jonghyun, Someone please go hug SHINee, and it didn't go that way at all, and then I started writing it, but like the realest, god typing that makes me wanna cry more, no but really I'm cryin writing this, park jimin is an angel, so I think I wrote this to comfort everyone, so I wrote this since I can't, this was gonna be smut, trigger warning, which is fitting if you think about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 22:12:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14819838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symbioticSimplicity/pseuds/symbioticSimplicity
Summary: Lee Taemin is hurting. He walks and he talks and he smiles like he used to but even a robot can perform tasks it's done hundreds of times. He decides to drown his demons in flesh and sighs, so he calls Park Jimin. However his evening does not go as planned.





	You Never Walk Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this might be a fic but there's some real shit in it. Please support SHINee, the boys can use all the love they can get. If you're feelin this fic little too much, please don't keep quiet. If you're sad, reach out to someone. Humans weren't meant to be islands guys, and the only way we can stand strong is to stand together. 
> 
> Aaaaand I'm crying again. Ah, anyway, enjoy the story.

In the idol life there were long weeks and then there were  _ long weeks.  _ Every day was always packed to the brim with activity, so it wasn’t as though there was ever really any time to relax to begin with. Those weeks were doable, grueling but definitely possible. It was the weeks where all of that happened to align with any sort of extra bullshit that made it hard to keep going. Someone gets sick, missing a meal or a key nap opportunity, family stress, the constant wear and tear of god tier level fronting for twelve or so hours a day, in group friction, or god forbid  _ loneliness. _ Those were the weeks that made one wonder if it was all really worth it. 

 

There were definitely those weeks, and then there was the week Taemin was having. 

 

Shinee was at the start of a new comeback, a thing that already came with it’s own levels of pressure. He was tired, the familiar ache of new dance moves burrowing into his bones. But the added stress of looking around and seeing only three familiar faces looking back at him was even harder than he’d expected it to be.

 

Of course, he was hardly the only one having trouble. Key had snapped at just about everyone at least twice each, and Onew had hardly said two words. Minho was trying very hard to keep up his usual energy, but the exhaustion and the sadness lingered in his eyes. Taemin appreciated the effort he was giving it, so he’d tried to joke with him as much as he could, though he was sure neither of them were convinced he meant a single word.

 

None of them talked about it. What more was there to say? They’d already cried, they’d already blamed one another and forgiven each other just as quickly. They’d screamed, they’d hit, and they’d held each other, and though it had helped, the ache was still there. There was nothing left but to try to live again. 

 

But it was so hard, seeing that hole when they danced together.

 

Taemin was slumped against the wall of mirrors, staring down at his cell phone as he tried to decide how he would let the night go. He could go back home, stare at the TV, the wall, as he tried to bribe sleep into joining him on the couch. Or he could call someone, spend the night chasing sighs and pretend getting high on hormones would numb him.

 

Was it really a choice?

 

There were a lot of people he could call. The last time he’d seen him, Kai had burned his smile into the skin of Taemin’s shoulders. That girl he’d laid with weeks ago had been so soft and she’d smelled like her flowey shampoo and green tea. Good choices, but there was already someone on his mind.

 

The kid was different from anyone Taemin had ever met in the industry. Pretty boys were a dime a dozen, and most of them didn’t have much more to their name than a nice smile and a decent-if a little flat-personality. But this one… there was something about him that pulled Taemin in.

 

Plenty of people had said the same thing about Park Jimin. He had an aura about him that made people want to look closer, a look that incited the desire to touch. The first time Taemin had spent any sort of actual time around him to learn their duet dance, he’d had to excuse himself thirty minutes in. He couldn’t for the life of him fathom how the rest of that group could live around him. 

 

So of course when he’d offered his private number, Taemin had immediately accepted, much to Jimin’s own elation. 

 

He’d yet to call for anything more involved than a few drinks or a quick lunch, but it looked like that was changing tonight. 

 

Jimin picked up on the third ring.

 

“Hyung?” He asked, sounding worn, “What are you still doing up so late?”

 

Shit. Taemin hadn’t even bothered to check the time. It was two fifteen in the morning! Of course Jimin would have been in bed. It wouldn’t have been as bad an hour ago, one o’ clock was the new ten to an idol, but two? Hardly anyone but the new groups were still up so late.

 

“Ah, sorry Jiminie.” He apologized softly, “I was having trouble sleeping, thought I could uh, use a friend.”

 

The sound of shuffling greeted him from the other side of the line, “Are you at home?”

 

“No the studio still.”

 

“Aish hyung.” Jimin scolded, sounding more awake, “You’re as bad as I am during a comeback. Are you hungry?”

 

Taemin honestly hadn’t thought of it, but he hadn’t actually eaten since they’d stepped into the studio eight hours ago. 

 

“I think so.” He nodded to himself, “Thank you Jimin. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

 

An incoherent noise fuzzed the line, “Thank me if I manage to get there with everything intact.”

 

Taemin smiled to himself, “I’ll give you a big kiss, how about that?”

 

“Hyung!”

 

They said their goodbyes, and hung up the phone, leaving Taemin to lay back and try to will time to pass faster. 

 

By the time the knock came at the studio door, Taemin had nearly hyped himself into practicing again. There was one part of the choreo that his feet absolutely refused to do the way the choreographer had shown them, and it was driving him up a wall. He’d not quite managed to heft himself up to begin drilling it into his head again, but maybe that was for the best.

 

He swung himself to his feet, forcing his way to the door despite the sluggishness in his muscles. He opened it with a smile already on his face to find Jimin….and another member of BTS. 

 

Okay, that was his own fault, he really should have specified to come alone. 

 

It was the youngest with Jimin, and of course it was, the kid followed him like a shadow. He didn’t look as though he’d been woken up, making Taemin vaguely curious as to what the hell he could have been up to this late. He was slightly hid behind Jimin’s shoulders but a shy smile graced his face. He was cute.

 

“We brought kimbap, jjajangmyeon, mandu, and japchae because Jungkook insisted.” Jimin said by way of greeting.

 

“Thank you so much for coming in the middle of the night.” Taemin bowed a little as he let them in, “I didn’t realize it was so late when I called you.”

 

Jimin shook his head as he wandered to the middle of the room and began to unpack the food they’d brought. 

 

“I’d only just laid down, don’t worry hyung.” He smiled.

 

“That’s the worst time to be woken up!” Taemin objected, giving a half smile back, “I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“I said not to worry.” Jimin rolled his eyes, “I was thinking about sneaking out for a snack anyway.”

 

There was no way that was true, but Taemin appreciated the effort. He was definitely paying the boy back for this anyway, protests or not. Losing sleep for someone else as an idol was like a hand written love letter dusted in perfume, he wouldn’t let the gesture go unrewarded.

 

“How did you get wrangled into this?” Taemin asked the other maknae in the room as he sat down across from Jimin.

 

Jungkook looked up like he’d only just remembered he was not in his own space. Maybe he was more tired that Taemin had thought. It was hard to tell with the younger ones, for the most part their youth kept them looking alright even if they were entirely absent from a situation mentally.

 

“I was awake playing games.” He responded quietly, “I heard hyung moving around so I went to check on him. He said he was coming to see you and I haven’t spent very much time with hyung so I asked to come with.”

 

Taemin could understand why Jimin was so indulgent with their youngest, he was adorable. He spoke with his gaze fixed on something else when he spoke sincerely, and his mouth had the funniest upturn to it. Almost like it was caught on a hook, but somehow it was endearing. And he sounded so....little when he spoke. The kid was a giant, in talent, size and worldly status, and yet he acted as though he was still a little boy talking about a bug he’d caught. No wonder they all loved him so much despite his antics.

 

“Thank you for coming along, Jungkook-ssi.” Taemin smiled, meaning the words now, “It’s...nice to have more people here.”

 

Both boys nodded, showing that they took the words for the deeper meaning they’d implied. 

 

Jimin served them each up a plate, muttering vague insults to the noodles while he attempted to corral them into some sort of order. Jungkook hissed out a quiet laugh, taking over the noodles from Jimin without a word. Jimin pouted but he didn’t try to fight the younger, turning instead to scooping the dumplings out onto their plates.

 

The easy teamwork between the two was bittersweet to watch. 

 

“There!” Jimin cheered when they’d coaxed the last of the food onto a plate, “Enjoy everyone or I’ll bite!”

 

Jungkook smiled wide at his hyung and dug in, while Taemin playfully reeled back from Jimin. Jimin laughed, tipping himself over, a noise that made Taemin’s chest warm with fondness. 

 

“Oh god.” Jungkook groaned to himself as he slurped up his japchae, “Yes.”

 

“You’ve been whining for that for a week.” Jimin said around a mouthful of mandu, “Satisfied?”

 

Instead of answering, Jungkook inhaled another giant mouthful.

 

Taemin chuckled at the two. Being in a room with the two of them was easily the most relaxing thing Taemin had done in quite a while. Around Jungkook, Jimin’s oppressively sexual aura turned into something more coy, playful. He smiled wide and he laughed hard enough to topple over, even though Jungkook didn’t talk very much. That surprised Taemin, he’d though the kid would be the bubbly loud type. Instead he communicated only what he had to, the rest of his personality coming out through his body language.

 

As they ate, they talked and joked and Taemin remembered nights like this he would have spent with the rest of his group. During a comeback they practically lived at the studio. It was easier to make beds on the floor than to leave just to come back a few hours later. But even when they should have slept, they often stayed up late talking. Sometimes they’d talk about their dreams as a group, or how much they’d already done, remembering when they were a bunch of scared skinny kids, holding on to each other for dear life. Other times they’d talk about silly things and Minho would grab Jonghyun and…

 

Taemin swallowed hard, setting his chopsticks down.

 

It still hurt so much to think of him. It always would,  _ of course  _ it would. But he had to. He wouldn’t stop thinking of him just because it hurt, he’d never stopped for pain before. It wouldn’t serve anyone to try and forget him, especially not because it hurt. The pain was what told him how much Jonghyun meant and he wouldn’t trade a single moment of memory.

 

“Hyung?” Jimin’s voice brought him up, “Are you okay?”

 

Taemin blinked, feeling wetness on the length of his lashes. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying.

 

He wiped at his eyes, summoning a wobbly smile to his lips, “I’m okay. Sorry, I spaced out there for a second and I forgot to blink.”

 

Jimin’s features twisted up for a second before he scooted closer to the older. He only hesitated for a second before he pulled him into a hug, catching Taemin by surprise.

 

“I’m not as good at this as some of the others but I think you need to hear this.” He began lowly, “Whenever I’m sad, the first place I go is my members. I’m really lucky to have them all, but especially our leader, Namjoon hyung. He’s really smart and he understands people a lot better than most people do. When I’m sad he asks me what it’s about and he makes sure I talk about it, all of it, before he lets me leave. He told me that holding things in, pretending to be okay when you’re really not, makes everything harder. He has a saying, ‘If you continuously carry  burden without rest, you will tire. Even if that burden is only a grain of sand, the effort of resisting gravity will tire you.’”

 

Taemin was fighting with everything he had to not break down. His eyes and nose stung, and he was sure he was shaking even if they were kind enough not to mention it.

 

“Hyung is carrying a very heavy burden.” Jimin said, rubbing his hands over Taemin’s back, “It’s okay to take a rest. We can help you to carry it, that’s what you call a friend for at two in the morning.”

 

How could a group of kids be so good? It struck something deep in Taemin’s chest, the gentle tone which Jimin used to comfort him. It was like he knew just what the other really needed, and had known all along even if Taemin himself hadn’t. 

 

“Hyung is right.” Jungkook chimed in just as soft, “We get told not to a lot, but talking helps. I don’t like to, but it does.”

 

Taemin drew a shaky breath and leaned heavier into Jimin, mildly surprised that the other didn’t budge at all. 

 

“I- I don’t think I know where to start.” Taemin sounded hoarse, to his own chagrin, “It’s all… I thought I’d already gotten it o-out.”

 

“Say whatever comes to mind first.” Jimin advised, “That’s usually a good place to start.”

 

“I miss him.” Taemin blurted, surprising himself, “I know I do, of course I do, everyone does. We were… we  _ are  _ everything to one another. You know what it’s like. Your group becomes closer to you than anyone. And I  _ knew  _ something was wrong but I didn’t-” 

 

Jimin began stroking through Taemin’s hair and the gesture did just enough to shrink the lump in his throat enough to talk.

 

“I feel like it’s my fault.” He whispered, “I know we all do. We were so busy but we’re always busy. If we’re so close we should have  _ noticed  _ and  _ helped.  _ But we didn’t and I lost one of my best friends and it feels like it’s my own fault. We all knew he felt.... But I thought it was just…” 

 

The tears that felt like they never really went away were dripping down his cheeks again. He was holding tight enough to Jimin that it was probably hurting him, but he showed no signs, just letting Taemin take what he needed.

 

“When we used to sit around talking, he would tell us about it sometimes. The way he talked about it hurt so much to hear, I couldn’t imagine it. But I think… I think I get it now. Too goddamn late, but I do. I can’t imagine hurting that badly, I should have….”

 

Jimin squeezed Taemin, sending a little jolt of comfort to him, like a life vest in a raging sea.

 

“I can’t imagine losing one of my members.” Jimin said softly, “I don’t think I could take it honestly. You’re very strong hyung. And I know it can feel like it, but it’s not your fault. I’m sure people have already told you that and you don’t believe them any more than you believe me right now but it’s true. A couple of our members go through something like Jonghyun hyung did, and when I first joined I didn’t understand any more than you do. I tried helping, and it would help for a little while and then it didn’t. It’s not something that is that easy to fix. If you were there for him when he was feeling badly, if you offered love and support in the ways you thought you could, and if you felt pain when you saw him hurting, then you did all you could.”

 

By this point the tears refused to stop. He was out and out sobbing, and though he hated to be seen this way, he couldn’t stop. Jimin knew entirely too well what he’d been needing to hear.

 

“I miss him so much Jimin.” Taemin whispered.

 

“I know hyung.” The younger’s voice caught, like he too was on the verge of tears, “You will always miss him. The best thing you can do is carry his memory in your heart as a precious thing. Live happily and healthily so that he would not have worried for you, and care for the other members as fiercely as you can.”

 

Taemin nodded, sure his voice wouldn’t come.

 

“I’m not sure if I’m helping or not,” Jimin gave a laugh that sounded a bit too wet, like he’d lost his own battle with the tears, “Ah, I wish hyung were here too. He really is much better with this than I am.”

 

The older shook his head, forcing his voice to come to his aid, “No, Jimin thank you. That helped, a lot.”

 

The younger didn’t respond but to hold him tighter. 

 

The night had hardly gone the way Taemin had intended for it to, but he thought this was definitely better. He’d been trying to stem the flow of the grief that still felt like it was swallowing him, and it had only served to make it boil over. They were supposed to be picking up and moving on at the idol pace, which meant the wound had yet to close before he was on his feet and moving again. He thought he could do it, he was sure they’d all told themselves they had to, for him especially. But maybe this once, they could stand to rest a while longer. 

 

Tomorrow he’d call the rest of the members and he would sit them down. He’d remember what Jimin told him and he’d make sure that this time they talked about all of it before they left, even the ugly bits that poked out still. They would clean the wound instead of ignoring it and continuing to dance. 

 

But that would be tomorrow, when the sunlight fractured off the giggling glass skyline of Seoul and the world screamed by at an idol pace. Tonight he was going to laugh and cry and remember the feeling of a late night spent recklessly enjoying the company of his friends.


End file.
